Online Dating Tips and Advice - Navigating the Age-Old Quest for Love in a Modern "Swipe" World

Technology has radically changed the dating world. Unlike the courtship rituals of our parents and grandparents, it's no longer about asking your high-school sweetheart to wear your pin or hoping for the perfect meet-cute with the man of your dreams. These days, everyone seems to be shunning the old ways in favor of online dating.

Online dating apps and websites are a fantastic tool for finding someone you are truly compatible with. But, like most tools, it can be (and often is) used incorrectly. Lots of people approach online dating as deftly as someone trying to assemble IKEA furniture with a sledgehammer. When they inevitably fail, they either regress to the old ways or give up on dating entirely. If you're new to online dating, or if you've dipped your toe in the pool and left feeling discouraged, this article is for you. Start your search for love the right way by following the first four Commandments of Online Dating.

Commitment #1: Thou Shalt Not to Cast a Fishing Net

First off, let's make one thing abundantly clear: the advice in this article is designed to help both men and women find love online. If you read a tip here and think to yourself "Well that won't help me; I'm a [man/woman]!", First, go slap yourself. Second, realize that knowing what the person on the other side is going through can help you adjust your strategy accordingly to find the mate you want. So do yourself a favor and don't be all sexist about it.

Continuing on...the first and biggest mistake most people make when it comes to online dating is something we like to call "casting a wide net". Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but that doesn't mean you should dredge through the whole ocean. Instead, approach your online dating profile like a sieve or a filter. You don't want to catch the human equivalent of a monkfish when you're looking for a blue fin tuna. Furthermore, it's extremely easy to turn your online dating profile from a fishing net into a filter. All you have to do is remember two very important things:

Don't be afraid to say something offensive. Are you a feminist, but worried men will be turned off by that? Put it in your profile anyway! It'll only attract men who appreciate a strong woman and share your desire for equality. On the flip side of that coin: are you a trump supporter? Then put that in your profile, too! Sure, you may get some flack for it from strangers online. But it's the most effective way to find the docile, simple-minded woman of your dreams who will let you wear the pants in your relationship and never question your authority.

No pandering! Don't put something in your profile that you think a guy/gal wants to hear unless you honestly feel that way, too. You may be attracted to an adventurous, outdoorsy type of person, but saying that your ideal first date would be kayaking through the Grand Canyon when you spend most weekends binge-watching your favorite shows on Netflix will bring you more failure than it will success.

Commandment #2: Thou Shalt Not Blaspheme the Numbers Game

Brace yourself, because here comes another heaping spoonful of tough love: online dating is a numbers game. Deal with it. This is not a rom-com or a Disney princess fantasy; this is the real world. And you're going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince/princess charming. If you can't accept that fact, then online dating probably isn't for you.

"But wait, doesn't that completely contradict everything you said in commandment #1?" Not necessarily, no. Even after filtering out the people you're not interested in dating, you should still have plenty to choose from if you're looking in the right place.

You're going to have to explore all your options if you want to make the best choice. And - surprise, surprise - this means going on lots of dates! Don't worry, though; this won't make you a "whore" or a "playa" (and anyone who thinks differently probably isn't mature enough for online dating in the first place). The odds of the first or second or even the third person you communicate with online turning out to be your soulmate are about as likely as being kidnapped by aliens immediately after buying a winning lottery ticket. It's extremely unlikely.

Prepare yourself to go out on a lot of "One and Done(s)". These are first dates that, regardless of how they go, fall short of leaving you wanting more. Don't be ashamed, don't feel guilty, don't over-analyze, don't become hypercritical of yourself, and do not pass judgement. Sometimes people just aren't compatible. And that's okay.

Commandment #3: Thou Shalt Get Thy Foot in the Door the RIGHT Way

This commandment is all about making first contact. So let's tackle the bad news first. When it comes to reaching out, regardless of your gender, you're probably doing it wrong.

Lots of people - and although we hate to admit it, women are usually more guilty of this than men - sit around and wait for someone else to make the first move. That's about as useful as standing on the sidewalk with your hands down and expecting an Uber to pull up and offer you a ride; it'll get you nowhere fast. Regardless of gender, you should never be afraid to make the first move. Most of the time, the receiving party will be so flattered that they may give you a second look when they might otherwise have skimmed over your profile and click away to someone else.

If you are searching for true compatibility, then you should sign up with an online dating service which allows users to fill out a profile so that you can learn more about them (and they can learn more about you) before the two of you start talking. But if reading is difficult for you, or your priorities are more focused on looks and hookups, well, we're sure you can find your way to Tinder. When you're ready to grow up and date like an adult, come back and read this article again. We'll be happy to give you advice.

For the rest of you, making first contact successfully can be accomplished in 3 easy steps:

1. READ. THEIR. PROFILE. Yes, we're sure their pretty picture drew you in, but compatibility involves a lot more than physical attractiveness. And if you don't like their profile for some reason? Find an attractive somebody whose profile you do like. It's as simple as that. There's no need to agonize over it.
2. Craft the right first message. Don't waste time with thumbs-ups, winky-faces, pokes, or a generic "Hi". It's insulting, even if you have the best intentions. Instead, mention something specific from their profile and ask them a question about it. This gives them an easy, effortless excuse to write back to you. It also lets them know that you're interested in them, and not just spamming generic form letters to every pretty picture you see hoping to get a response (see Commandment #1).
3. Be prepared for rejection. Disappointment is an inevitability in life, and dating is no exception. Whether they reject you outright or simply don't reply, move on to the next! After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Commandment #4: Thou Shalt Not Be Afraid to Meet in Person!

Here's our last agonizing, tough-love truth-bomb: if you're scared to take it from online into the real world, you shouldn't be online dating. Period. Meeting them in person is the only way to know whether or not you are truly compatible, despite how many love sonnets or pages of romantic prose you to have exchanged.

When you're ready to meet them face-to-face, pick the simplest, most low-key venue you can think of. A coffee shop, for example, is perfect. It's cheap, it's public, and it'll give you the opportunity to sit down and get to know each other. It doesn't matter whether they want to wine and dine you at a fancy restaurant or take you on a wild adventure from moment one; if they can't even hold a conversation with you, it's not meant to be. And if the date goes well, let them know! Drop a subtle hint, like "I had a really good time tonight. You have my number, so let me know if you'd like to do it again whenever you're free." If they contact you for date #2, congrats! If not, as we said before, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

So far, we've barely even scratched the surface of online dating. But we'll do our best to delve further into the subject in future installments. Keep checking back for updates if you're eager to learn more!